Reflections of an Innocent Bystander

The following article is written by a colleague. It does not necessarily represent my opinions. However, it is interesting.

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Exhibitionism. Hollywood has taught us that it’s a guy opening his trench coat to a bunch of school kids, but that’s almost entirely a fable. Exhibitionism is when someone derives sexual gratification from exposing a taboo body part.

That can be a difficult idea to get your brain around. What is “sexual gratification”? What causes it? If I get a raise and go home and do my wife, can I say that I am sexually gratified by raises? If I spend the day with the guys watching football, my team wins, and I go home and do my wife, can I say that an afternoon with the guys stimulates me? Where is the transition from non-sexual expression to sexual expression?

I don’t know, and I leave it with you to wonder about.

I get off on exhibitionism. I like my taboo parts to be noticed. I like my wife’s taboo bits to be noticed. And I like it when they are noticed by unsuspecting strangers.

Weird, eh? If I am working in the yard shirtless and a Muslim man and woman round the corner and he shields his wife’s eyes from me, well, that’s hot. If my braless wife walks past a group of businessmen on their way to lunch and they are suddenly distracted, that’s hot.

What a strange game for evolution to play. We have taboos against some sexual expressions, and it’s the breaking of some of these taboos that bring sexual excitement.

In some sexual circles, there is a concept of “consent”. You must have the consent of all parties or your activity is unacceptable, wrong, forbidden. But my fetish works only without the other party’s consent.

I was speaking to an Australian sex therapist recently about this, and he had interesting thoughts. A 12-month-old baby has no concept of consent, but an adult certainly has the capacity to turn away. Thus, we have consent. In other words, his notion was that, by the act of being adults and being alive, we consent to life and what it gives us.

I don’t know if I quite agree with that, but it’s an interesting idea.

Ah, you may wonder, what of the person traumatized by some violent act, and my unwarranted act of exhibitionism triggers emotional distress?

What about the soldier who saw a baby killed in Iraq and now is traumatized whenever she hears a baby cry?  Are we to hide all babies? What of the boy who was injured at a family picnic and now has panic attacks whenever he smells barbeque chicken? Do we disallow all barbeque chicken? And the woman who lost her granddaughter in a car accident? Are cars to be banned?

Of course not. Adults must learn to deal with the world. The world will not—and should not—change for my own failings. This is true for sex, too.

So, I enjoy my and my wife’s exhibitionism, not despite social mores, but because of them. And I applaud the girls on prom night who dress to attract attention, the boys playing basketball shirtless, the housewife who wears her thong higher than her jeans while shopping at Safeway, and the millions of other folks who find their own way to titillate using something as simple and available as their own body.

Refections of an Innocent Bystander

The following article is written by a colleague. It does not necessarily represent my opinions. However, it is interesting.

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Pedophilia: Sexual feelings directed towards children. The Queen Mother of despicable human behavior. In America, you can be imprisoned for simply downloading pictures on your computer of children in sexually suggestive poses or even being nude. It is not uncommon for imprisoned pedophiles to be killed by other inmates. It is a defilement of the most important thing we as a culture have.

Imagine the following scenarios:

Scenario 1: A mother takes her 4^th grade son to McDonalds every day for dinner. The boy weighs 270 pounds. He plays no sport and has no friends.

Scenario 2: A father insists his 8-year-old son play football. The boy hates football. He is small for his age and frequently nurses bruises and sore joints. He is being taught to be aggressive and takes out his frustration on his younger brother.

Scenario 3: An uncle takes his nephew to the museum, the zoo, and Disneyland. He tutors him in school and teaches him manners and civility. He is highly protective of the boy, and will allow no one to abuse him. He also has his nephew perform oral sex on him.

Scenario 4: Parents want their daughter to be a professional musician. They force her to play the violin 6 hours a day, every day. The girl hates the violin, has no friends, and has no social skills. She dreams of leaving home and never playing the violin again.

In three of these scenarios, no laws are being broken. We may not agree with the actions of the parents, but who are we to tell another how to raise a child? After all, a child does not understand anything more than the moment, and a parent must think of the child’s future.

One is an abomination and the person should be removed from society.

Why? I have opinions, but, truthfully, except for cultural bias, I don’t know.

Imagine for a moment there is something that you find fiercely sexual. In your imagination, you picture that in your mind and allow yourself to feel erotic pleasure.

Unfortunately, your state-ordered psychiatrist tells you that those feeling must be suppressed. You cannot have pictures of such persons in your house or download them on your computer. Telling your coworkers of your sexual preference will get you fired. Instead (in this alternative universe), your psychiatrist shows you a picture of a 5-year-old boy and informs you that this and only this is an acceptable outlet for your sexuality.

Are you going to do it? Will you seduce your neighbor’s son to fit in with societal norms when your whole body tells you it’s wrong and repulsive?

So why do we expect a true pedophile to be able to do the same thing?  Can that ever work?  Is this the best solution we can find? How is this different than telling teenagers to be abstinent, something that has never worked in the history of mankind?

Oddly enough, I can indeed have pictures of naked 10 year olds on my laptop without breaking any law. If those pictures are of children mutilated by a land mine in Afghanistan or missing arms due to a car bomb in Iraq, well, then it’s okay. It can be justified as military research or even a hobby. No laws are being broken. Only if the children in the pictures are healthy and whole am I going to prison.

These people, these pedophiles, live with us. They are in our offices, our stores, our hospitals. Like most people, they have fantasies, and like most people they decide which they will act on and which they will not. Looking at pictures of natives in National Graphic, listening to songs with lusty lyrics, and reading suggestive materials should not be a punishable offense, even if you own those magazines, CDs, and books. Thinking about things—fantasies—is a good thing and should be encouraged.